For Enday

This bloggery (blog post) is lovingly dedicated to my kambal (twin) in the blogosphere, Enday.

I just read her hurt over people who are judging her emo bloggery as entry for an online emo-writing contest. Some bloggers were saying that her blog is considered a humor blog so it was not appropriate to post such emotions. Worse, some didn't even believe her.

I think it's very cruel of those bloggers to judge Enday and misinterpret her purpose. Who would post such painful memories on her family if it were not true? And what would she gain? Can't a funny person have a soft spot, a broken heart? Ironic but I believe that the saddest stories come from those who laugh the most. I'm really infuriated with these people who wrongly judge my fellow blogger. She was just being true to herself but she was told a liar. She was just reaching out but she was told inappropriate.

Well, we have to accept that there are such people in the world. They say life is unfair but I think we make it so. Anyway, I'm here for you, kambal. Hugs.

Are You Getting Near Your Goals?

I don't know if I am, but I think I'm inching my way. Just don't know if towards it or away from it. Teehee.

I'm so practicing procrastination these days. (Well, isn't it my whole life?) Still I'm very blessed.

Remind that to yourself always: YOU ARE VERY BLESSED. Good night! Don't be too hard on yourself. ^^

The Ninth 9/11

Seven years ago, when I came home for lunch after classes, I looked at the calendar and checked the date: September 11. Ninang's (Filipino term for godmother) second death anniversary. As I was mulling over Ninang's death, Mama told me to watch the news because of a devastating event in the US.

A video clip showed two huge towers exploding and crumbling down. They replayed the clip and I saw a jet plunging into the towers, causing the explosion. I thought it was a very good exhibition. Yet afterwards I came to know that it was a terrorist attack. It was horrific seeing those falling debris, thinking there are people that might be falling as well. It was truly an agonizing tragedy for the whole world.

The world shared my pain. And I to the world.

Picture taken from 911Review.org

Tech Tags: Twin Towers, 9/11 Tragedy, death anniversary, terrorism, Al Qaeda

Sweet Home Blogger Award

I thank Lechelle for this award, which she has given me 11 days ago. Hehe.

I'm dedicating this to all the sweet people in my life, even for my non-blogger friends especially to Prick and Flor who got out of their way to campaign for me.

So to my fellow sweet bloggers, I'm tagging Bryan, Vera, Eunice and Gail.

Have a sweet day ahead! ;)

Bum Truth

In a few days, I will be graduating from bumhood. Yes, I might be able to work again but not as a software developer anymore. I think I'm resigning from my IT career. :'(

It's a sad and frightening yet happy and thrilling adventure for me. Sad because I'm leaving something I've been good at (I want to think so). Frightening because I don't know what I'm going to do exactly. Thrilling because of the thought of doing something new. Happy because... well, I'm happy. I've always wanted to do this. To explore what I can do further with my untapped talents. I'm gonna tap them now. Tap tap tap. :D

It's exactly a month since I resigned from ASC. I did resign. (FYI to those who think I just went on an indefinite leave.) Technically speaking, I will be back. But, as I said, not as a dev anymore. And not as a regular employee as you may think.

Some buddies of mine who experienced bumhood said that they realized some truths in life or they changed some aspect of their lives. But I can't say the same thing for me. I think I'm still me; nothing's changed with my philosophy or appearance. I don't know why. Funny (and at the same time worrisome for me) that it's already a month and still I don't feel any urge to work. Funnier (and more worrisome) still that I think I won't feel any urge to work at all even if it spans for a year or more. Perhaps because I can breathe with just blogging.

And so I have to work. Not because I feel the urge to work. (I can still survive for a few weeks and then come poverty line. Hehe.) But because I know I won't feel it. ;)

Perhaps that's my bum truth after all. :D

Power of Two

"So we're okay, we're fine
Baby, I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two"

To my kambal Lisa whose having a tough time now (and I know I'm part of the reason *sob*), I dedicate this post.

Despite the differences in our personalities, we've reached a closeness and openness rarely found nowadays. I truly cherish our friendship.

So before I cry over my mushiness, I always pray to God for your well-being and strength. I know it's difficult being you... though you don't share much of your problems. It's okay.

I'm sorry if I can't be with you now and share your joys, sorrows, complaints and kilig moments (haha). But you're always in my heart, remember that.

What's a few kilometers anyway? I'll bridge that if you need me.

Much love,
Kambal Nerissa

P.S. And stop being so mabait. Speak out! Hehe. May you also meet the man who'll see the true beauty you really are. Mwah!

Let me bleed

let me bleed, let me feel the pain
of you not wanting me again
let me lie to myself that we are meant to be
and that in the end you'll still come back for me

***

Sometimes I want to tell you all my happiness and sadness but then I cower when I think that you don't care at all.

Sometimes when I cry, it's your shoulder I want to lean on but I know it won't be there.

Sometimes I wish that time was like before when you said t'will be the two of us in the end.

I know... it's too late.

***

It's been too long since I felt poetic. Yet now that I am, I wish I weren't.

Woken Arted

Is it so wrong to hope? My friend asked.
No, but it's painful. I answered.

The worst thing in this case... it started and ended in my mind.
The best thing though... nobody noticed.

Life has no Map

I woke up with this SMS in hand.

"It's okay to get lost - you really don't need a map. Sometimes it's enough to know that what you believe in will take you there."

Thanks, Tin!

***

Actually, I do believe that life needs no map to cross through the hedges and bumps along the way. It's always that you know what to do when you're not yet there but when you do get there, you're already lost.

I'm not making any sense here... so ciao! :D

Plan Z

I'm not an OC; I'm not into planning. Only a few goals I direct my life to but not necessarily going into detail on how to get those.

Yet now when I've taken some direction to look forward to, all my plans are caving in. Plan A is gone, Plan B disintegrated a while ago and Plan C is not really an option right now. So where to? I need a map.

What do you do when all your backup plans go to waste? Perhaps it's great to have a recycle bin in one's life and a lot of system restore points. Haha.

Romantic Depressive

You don't wanna let go coz you "feel" there's something sweet going on
between the two of you.
Something beyond words.
Something that only your heart understands
and you wait and wait
but still and still
nothing happened, he is glued to the spot.

Problem is:
You just can't walk away
but you can't just stay either.

Got this SMS from a friend. Just now.
I replied with: Waaaaahhhh!!! How true! Huhuhu.

Just bear with me please.

Foolish Heart

They say: The smarter you are, the more foolish you are at love.

I say: With the rate my foolish heart is going, I must be a genius.

Poem: City of Sorrow

City of Sorrow

i was borne in the city of Sorrow;
borne with Sadness cradling me in her arms.
nursed with Tears, crying became my consolation.
afterwhich i was adopted by Loneliness,
who became my constant companion, my friend.

yet to this day, despite growing up,
at night when i lie in my bed of Pain,
clutching my pillow of Grief,
i dream of Mother, dreams of Salvation,
the Reason i still wake up and live.

till now i long to see her but
Death took her away from me.
perhaps you have seen her. pray, tell me
have you known my mother, Happiness?

Second draft, September 2007

Loneliness is a Friend

Emo thought:

Sometimes there comes a point when loneliness becomes your only comfort.

If Today is My Last

If today is the last day of my life:

I wanna thank you for sharing yourself with me,
for making me laugh when I don't feel like smiling,
for listening to my wild ideas,
and understanding my insanities.

I'm sorry for all of my shortcomings
-- big or small --
for not listening well,
or not understanding you more.

Let me tell you that I love you.
And if ever we do see each other again,
may I show you what I feel
rather than take you for granted.

08.06.2007

Rev1:08.07.2007

bye bye, PC

I thought we'd still last for two years but I was wrong. This March would've been our second anniversary but it let go... or was it I who let go? No, we were forced to let go of each other.

So now I'm moving my things to another machine. I have to say goodbye to my old trusty PC. I was issued a laptop to my benefit or not. I really don't want a laptop slung on my shoulder anywhere I go. But I have to. Or else I won't use anything wherever I report. Here in GT, I just snatched a space in between a monitor and CPU; while in BPI, the only space I can get to be connected will be Mike's free space with a yarn of a LAN cable. Hehe.

I'm a squatter nowadays. With a laptop. Also known as work at home. Or weights while walking.

explain to me again why i need a boyfriend

It's Valentines once more. I think I'm going to have a Valentine rally this time. I'm rebelling, I'm wearing my sarcastic green blouse: Explain to me Again why I need a boyfried. There. Explain. How sarcastic, ei? Joke.

Contrary to my blouse, I know the answer to that question. But I'm not waiting, anticipating. He'll come. At the right place, at the right time. No need to hasten things. A caterpillar won't become a beautiful butterfly if it would come out of its cocoon faster than it ought to be.

If having a lovelife means having a romantic partner, then I don't have a lovelife. I'm more content with having a life full of love from my family and friends. Cheesy that may be, I'm happy.

Happy Valentines! ^_^

what should i do with my life

That's the title of a bestseller that Nhut bought. She said it seems desperate that she bought it. But as I thought it over... Nah. That question should be posed to us when we're not desperate, when we think we're sane. That's the right time.

I just read one of its chapters entitled "New Person, Same Job." It hit me near the gut. It was enlightening especially that I was going through the same ordeal last month. That's why the two-week leave. That's why the so-called self-introspection.

But during that two-week leave I didn't get all the answers. Nevertheless it was ok. It was fun to bond with my loved ones especially my family. I've come to love the philosophy that lost time cannot be bought. Jogging with my father, mother and sister at Bayanihan Park would be one of those memories I'll cherish and look forward to also.

So I'm still here with the same job. Looking at the computer for hours and slacking my butt on the chair. Listening to the droning processor and relentless issues from my superiors and clients. That's life. (No boyfriend also. Haha.)

I just realized now (even if I've read it countless times in other books) that you can't change your life just by changing your environment. It starts with you. Change of perspective would somehow make life easier. As I've stated before, life ain't complicated. We just make it complicated.

i believe...

I believe in happily ever after but I also believe that the end lies in God's hands.
I believe in true love.
I believe that love would conquer all.
I believe in God.
I believe that God is my best friend among all my best friends.
I believe that you could only be happy when you do what you are passionate about.
I believe that there are a million hopeless souls in the world, needy of love and comfort.
I believe that prayers are answered but not in the exact packages that we asked for.
I believe in soulmates.
I believe that we could be better than what or who we are now.
I believe that we were breathed into life for a mission.
I believe that mission lies deep in our hearts.
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inspired from I Believe by Jim R. Warda (Chicken Soup of the Soul Newsletter)
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What do you believe in?

friendships and chocolates

I love black chocolate... bittersweet to taste....
And hot chocolate with a dash of peppermint... a splash of sweetness downed with spiced freshness...

Just like our friendship... through the bitterness and sweetness of life, it endures the tests of time.

A toast of peppermint chocolate for the friendship that refreshes the spice in our lives. Cheers!