Do You Feel That You've Changed for the Better?

Four days ago around four in the morning, I tapped away these thoughts while wanting to sleep more. I don't talk about myself much here, I think, so indulge me.

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I...

want to find the balance between subjectivity and objectivity. When you're too subjective, you can't hear; when you're too objective, you can't feel.

don't break the rules. I follow then play along and from there, make my own.

am not an atheist but don't put too much faith on religion. Better to have faith in God, myself and my fellowman.

Am in love with words - the delectable picking of the right one to use in a phrase, a sentence, a paragraph (a stanza, i miss my poetry); the sweet melding of thought into substance; the mere greatness of expression.

stopped looking for answers to everything. It's easier to ask than to accept. But then sometimes you need to ask in order to understand then to accept. But not all the time.


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what should i do with my life

That's the title of a bestseller that Nhut bought. She said it seems desperate that she bought it. But as I thought it over... Nah. That question should be posed to us when we're not desperate, when we think we're sane. That's the right time.

I just read one of its chapters entitled "New Person, Same Job." It hit me near the gut. It was enlightening especially that I was going through the same ordeal last month. That's why the two-week leave. That's why the so-called self-introspection.

But during that two-week leave I didn't get all the answers. Nevertheless it was ok. It was fun to bond with my loved ones especially my family. I've come to love the philosophy that lost time cannot be bought. Jogging with my father, mother and sister at Bayanihan Park would be one of those memories I'll cherish and look forward to also.

So I'm still here with the same job. Looking at the computer for hours and slacking my butt on the chair. Listening to the droning processor and relentless issues from my superiors and clients. That's life. (No boyfriend also. Haha.)

I just realized now (even if I've read it countless times in other books) that you can't change your life just by changing your environment. It starts with you. Change of perspective would somehow make life easier. As I've stated before, life ain't complicated. We just make it complicated.